She went to heights that the majority of us will never come close to in life. She soared with the eagles, while most of us walk the Earth. But when you fly, there is always the risk of a crash, and this Amy discovered the hard way. But wasn’t the hard way her way to begin with, the way that allowed her to soar, the way that allowed the magic of Amy Winehouse?
Even though she is in spirit now, therefore a spirit guide, Amy appears with her human eyes so that we may better understand her life. Gentle and fragile are the two words I would use to describe her eyes.
“Walk into my world,” her eyes say, “but let go of all expectations if you do.”
The world I see inside of Amy was a wild one, not quite centered or balanced because her eyes were not balanced within a single vision of life. Instead, she had two eyes, two worlds and two levels of expectation, none of them in sync with the other. I cannot begin to fathom the utter confusion unbalanced eyes would cause in life. It can be difficult enough to live with both eyes balanced within the same vision.
I ask to see her birth into life and we see a projected vision of her standing in spirit on the other side. She is bringing in intense beauty of spirit. “Look at me,” her spirit demands, “and inside of my light you will see a carousel of promises and possibilities. But be quick in the viewing because I bring in change. I will never remain the same inside of my own carousel.”
My heart sinks just a little when I see how unique she is. I cannot imagine how difficult it is to live inside of an ever-changing carousel of possibilities. How could she ever get a grasp on who she is when she was in constant change? But she is dazzling in spirit, just as she was in life.
Her mother received her beautifully at birth. Amy definitely knew love in that moment. But confusion is Amy’s chief component at birth and in life. This we have already seen. She did not translate well into this world. She is dizzy with multiple thoughts whirling around in her head, all of them too quick to catch. Who am I she cries out? My heart goes out to her because she is playing catch-up before she has hardly drawn breath.
As an infant she has incredible beauty in her eyes, but again the fragility shines through strongly. We remember that when we saw her in spirit she was an open gateway to so many possibilities, but the problem with that is she is never given the opportunity as an infant to know who she is for sure, because of all these swirling possibilities. We become lost when our energies are spread too thin.
Amy came in with huge expectations that could never be fulfilled. She came in spirit that said let’s have fun and explore, and let the serious life go with the winds. But life here on Earth is a fairly serious proposition for the majority of us, and this is what Amy was never prepared to handle.
By the time she is four, she is shivering because it is a cold world she has encountered. She feels violated, trespassed against. Her anger has set in and is burning brightly, especially towards men. There is now a coldness inside of her that says, “I will never play by your rules, because it is your rules that have hurt me.”
This makes me wonder what has happened to her, but it is not shown. She needs to be picked up and held until she warms, no matter how long it might take, because she, as a four year old, retreated to a place in her head that no longer recognizes the world she is forced to live in. I don’t use the word hate often, but I have to say I hate seeing childhoods that do this to children because it is so heart wrenching. Bless you Amy…
The hurt and sadness of her childhood in alive in her eyes even now. I reach out and hold her hand, which is rare because I typically don’t touch spirit guides. In this moment I want to bring her home and show a life to her in which she could relax, but this sadness is getting us nowhere, so I focus instead on the interview and ask her what she would like to say to people.
“My voice was my world,” she says. “It brought great joy to my life and when I looked into the audience, my coldness (shivering) would almost go away because all these people were my connection. But I always had to go home where the walls were too silent. I hated walls. I hated being alone. I hated the silence that mocked my childhood, silence that allowed me to remember. As long as I was busy I felt warmer, but the falseness of that tired me. I had nowhere to go in life, nowhere to hide from the coldness.”
Again, we are aware of the carousel that defined Amy as a human, the carousel that never allowed her to get a hold on anything permanent in a way of defining herself. Imagine being on a carousel of emotions and thoughts for your entire life and you have Amy.
I ask her about her music and she smiles, but it is a sad smile because she feels her music came from an empty place, a false place built upon pain. “My childhood gave me an edge that was as sharp as a razor. If someone were to get through the edge, what would they find? A lost, cold child scared to death of life because I hurt? Why would I want to show that to anyone? My music? I only had bonding with others through the pain of life and that pain was reflected in every song I sang.”
I see the beauty that came out in her when she sang and am happy that she had that. She smiles and says she wouldn’t have traded her music for anything because it came from her core, a protected piece of her core that no one had breached.
So, if we sum up Amy in this moment of the interview, we would have to say that Spirit designed her without the strength to support herself as a carousel of ever-changing possibilities. Amy went through life scared to death, so developed a razor’s edge of cunning that was nothing more than a front. And how much energy would it take to keep the front up while supporting all the interior confusion?
I ask her about the drugs and she lets out a huge sigh of relief. “The drugs were my only way of getting through life, the only way I could relax the tension my childhood committed me to.”
Boy, do I understand that. There are those of us who have that tension that builds and builds until we think something inside of us is going to blow, or maybe even drag us into irretrievable depths, and for that, we need the alcohol and drugs as a release.
Amy changes into her deeper spirit self, leaving her human eyes behind and happiness and magic shine brightly through her spirit eyes. What a songstress she is, even in spirit, managing to weave magic into her songs, and when the word magic is said I fully understand why she could not bring a firm foundation into her life. It would have kept out the magic, and her magic was worth whatever it was that she went through in life. Everything, including her harsh childhood, was meant to support the magic by keeping out the real.
How sad her life many would say, but how magical would be a truer description. She went to heights that the majority of us will never come close to in life. She soared with the eagles, while most of us walk the Earth. But when you fly, there is always the risk of a crash, and this Amy discovered the hard way. But wasn’t the hard way her way to begin with, the way that allowed her to soar, the way that allowed the magic of Amy Winehouse?